face of puzzle pieces

I shall let my silence speak for itself. My head has been all over the place the last few months, and I have had to take time out of many things that are important to me to give myself the space to heal; this blog being one of them.

9am in a diner at Euston Station, drinking orange juice after a three person 1am rave in Trafalgar square

To bring y'all up to speed, I'm currently on my gap year. I didn't get my place at my first choice university, which was a massive bummer to say the very least, but I did at my insurance university, which is super awesome. Learning that one can feel crushing disappointment and overwhelming excitement simultaneously about the very same event, is something I still struggle to comprehend and be totally chill with.

When people ask me what I've been up to so far, my knee-jerk response is to just say "nothing", which is total bs. I've written for my local newspaper, tried at waitressing for a week and was never called back to organise another shift, travelled to see friends, been on protests, tutored young and old alike, read so many beautiful and wonderful books, spent afternoons exploring parts of my hometown I never knew existed, been to countless galleries, lectures and gigs, and discovered a love of cooking. But honestly, the majority of things have happened in my head. Having an entire year off to dedicate to myself is the most wonderful thing and I don't think I had appreciated just quite how much I needed it. Learning not only how vital self-care is, but also how hard it can be to really put it in to practice, has been tough at points, and so has reconciling conflicting logic and emotions, and realising that find it hard is ok. Who knew you could learn so much about yourself just by thinking??? I'm now pretty sure I want a career centred around communication and words in some form; I have begun to recognise patterns in how I form friendships, and how important those friendships are to me; and I've realised how much I like to feel grounded and connected to my surroundings.

A painfully hipster 2nd breakfast in Camden's Falla and Mocaer

Anyway, in exactly 1 month I will be traveling to Berlin to learn German there for two months. I'm unbelievably excited as this is what my entire gap year is about. Although I went there for a week on an exchange, having never done anything quite like this before, it's hard to visualise what it's going to be life. Life changing, fingers crossed. It's one of the reasons I felt this compulsion to blog again, as I know I'm going to want to spend part of my countless lonely afternoons in Germany's capital writing furiously about my experiences out there.

Hopefully you will hear again from my soon!

Book Review: 'Steppenwolf' by Hermann Hesse

FOR MAD PEOPLE ONLY

The book and the man himself. At least I hope it's the man himself. He might just be a guy who enjoys posing next next to covers. [source]

Hey Readers!

 I feel it's time for a little cheeky book review! I haven't done these in a while...

So yes. Steppenwolf. Steppenwolf is one weird book.  It's like Hermann Hesse has taken a piece of art from the Weimar era and put it in words; which is not a coincidence as it was written during the Weimar period. You can't deny the fact that it's weird: it's about a guy who thinks he's a wolf and ends up in a theatre where he runs people over in cars during the war between machinery and man and the such like, with the odd threesome along the way. That said, it's also one of the sexiest, most intelligent and by far the most openly intellectual books I have ever indulged in.

Hesse weaves in references to other German authors (with the odd medieval German poet thrown in there for good measure) which I'm sure would be very symbolic if I actually had any idea of who they were or what they had written. The most important of the writers talked about was Goethe, so if you don't know who he is, I suggest you take a glance over his wikipedia entry prior to reading. He also whacks twenty pages of character psychoanalysis in the middle. Just because he can.

Throughout the whole book there are essentially five characters, one of which is never named. This character introduces the book, and you begin under the impression that it is Hesse speaking, until you are thrust into the main part of the book, where you can't help but feel that Harry Haller is actually the confessions of Hesse. Notice how they have the same initials.Upon reading the essay bit at the back after finishing Steppenwolf, I discovered that this book was indeed written while Hesse was having a full-on crisis and tended to write autobiographical work. Then you have Hermione, who is rather unlike the Hermione we know, as well as Maria and Pablo. Each young, beautiful and bisexual; the three traits that I associate with Germany (or more specifically Berlin) during this period. All three contrast beautiful with the misanthropic and isolated Haller as they propel him head first in to the life he systematically fails at rejecting.

As a translation, the language can feel and bit clunky and doesn't have the natural rhythm of a book written in the language that it belongs in, but hey. The Germans have a reasonable number of tenses (although I can't forgive them for the number of cases they deem as appropriate) so it's never going to translate easily. Moreover, I can't really comment on the writing style because, as Cecily and I were discussing, I'm not sure whether that was Hesse or the translator.

If you are up for feeling rather cultured or taking on a literary challenge or want to experience more of the Weimar period (I'm talking to you Fleur) then go and read this book. If you can, take a trip to Berlin, it does help set the mood. I was discussing it with my Uncle and he said he never enjoyed Hesse's work more than when he was my age, so by not reading it now, you're just loosing out on more pleasure.  Five Stars.

Gwendolen

P.S. If you're wondering what I mean by "FOR MADE PEOPLE ONLY" your just going to have to read the book. But oh my Lord, wouldn't that be a fantastic name for a blog? I might consider going solo, just so I can call it that...

Guten Abend Readers :)

 Just quick update from Berlin when I should be sleeping...

I really love this this city. I find myself connecting with it in a way that
I don't normally do with European cities outside of Britain. Yet the overall
Tone of the city is like something I  never felt before. I think Fleur describes
It bst with 'it's as if they have superficially tried to forget h war but it's still in
The phsychology.

That's all. ow. I aologise fthe quality fspelling and formatting a I cn't a cn't ee what I am typing. Ccily asort .