face of puzzle pieces

I shall let my silence speak for itself. My head has been all over the place the last few months, and I have had to take time out of many things that are important to me to give myself the space to heal; this blog being one of them.

9am in a diner at Euston Station, drinking orange juice after a three person 1am rave in Trafalgar square

To bring y'all up to speed, I'm currently on my gap year. I didn't get my place at my first choice university, which was a massive bummer to say the very least, but I did at my insurance university, which is super awesome. Learning that one can feel crushing disappointment and overwhelming excitement simultaneously about the very same event, is something I still struggle to comprehend and be totally chill with.

When people ask me what I've been up to so far, my knee-jerk response is to just say "nothing", which is total bs. I've written for my local newspaper, tried at waitressing for a week and was never called back to organise another shift, travelled to see friends, been on protests, tutored young and old alike, read so many beautiful and wonderful books, spent afternoons exploring parts of my hometown I never knew existed, been to countless galleries, lectures and gigs, and discovered a love of cooking. But honestly, the majority of things have happened in my head. Having an entire year off to dedicate to myself is the most wonderful thing and I don't think I had appreciated just quite how much I needed it. Learning not only how vital self-care is, but also how hard it can be to really put it in to practice, has been tough at points, and so has reconciling conflicting logic and emotions, and realising that find it hard is ok. Who knew you could learn so much about yourself just by thinking??? I'm now pretty sure I want a career centred around communication and words in some form; I have begun to recognise patterns in how I form friendships, and how important those friendships are to me; and I've realised how much I like to feel grounded and connected to my surroundings.

A painfully hipster 2nd breakfast in Camden's Falla and Mocaer

Anyway, in exactly 1 month I will be traveling to Berlin to learn German there for two months. I'm unbelievably excited as this is what my entire gap year is about. Although I went there for a week on an exchange, having never done anything quite like this before, it's hard to visualise what it's going to be life. Life changing, fingers crossed. It's one of the reasons I felt this compulsion to blog again, as I know I'm going to want to spend part of my countless lonely afternoons in Germany's capital writing furiously about my experiences out there.

Hopefully you will hear again from my soon!